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Palm Reading

February 16, 2017

Palm reading is an art. It takes time and skill to master. If you find yourself at a palm reader’s store, ask yourself “is this palm reader credible?” The majority the time your response to that question will be no, so in order to put your qualms at rest, Pandemonium has hired the world’s finest palm reader to answer all the questions you ache to have answered.


Your palm comes with four centrally located lines. In our first session with the palm reader, she emphasizes the first line, and conveniently it goes in accordance with Valentines Day and Galantines Day, the more celebrated holiday. The first line symbolizes love. If your line reaches all the way across your right hand to your index finger you, unfortunately, have the worst love prediction. Sadly, finding love will be a struggle for you. In the end, you will probably marry a B-list citizen, and by B-list, we are referring to the untouchables of our society. Those are the people who are too nerdy or smart for their own good, so they never end up aspiring to work at Apple, and their inventions never make it out of their garages. On the bright side, though, if you have a friend with a heart line which stretches to their middle finger, they will probably end up extremely successful. The main reason the love life of your friend will be so successful is because they will wait to find love until it’s right for them, and they will focus on their school work until they are successful enough to be in an elite dating pool. If you have an absent heart line or one which is towards your pinkie, your love life will be obsolete, but, hey, at least you’re not marrying an untouchable. Stay tuned for more palm reading! 

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