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Spooky, Scary Skeletons: Horoscopes II

October 25, 2017

Happy Scorpio season! Don’t let your emotions get the best of you this Halloween. Scorpio, the best course of action for you this Halloween is to stay inside to avoid getting your feelings hurt. If you must go out, the best costume for you would perhaps be a Scorpion or another arachnid. 
Voted most likely to be found alone in a graveyard at Halloween, Pisces need to be cautious of their overactive imagination during these spooky days. It’s a proven fact that everything you fathom in your worst nightmare takes physical form on Halloween, so Pisces need to watch out. If you imagine too hard, all the ghouls and demons of your wildest nightmares will become real. Maybe get someone to knock you out for the entirety of the thirty-first so you are incapacitated and unable to imagine or think.

We all know that Cancers are the type of people to sweep all the candy into their greedy little maw from the bowl that clearly states “Take One!”. Don’t be that person this Halloween, Cancer. Your equally selfish personality and fierce love for your family could get you into trouble, especially if the situation arises in which you must choose between giving your mother away to the Grim Reaper or sacrificing yourself. Choose wisely, Cancer.

Your reliability and abundant forgiveness are likely to result in another Halloween of staying home and doling out candy while your peers indulge. Your family and friends take advantage of you, Taurus! This year, take the bull by the horns and abandon your duties as the neighborhood goody two shoes. Go out and prove the world that you can be reckless, unreliable, and unforgiving by egging all your neighbors' houses and letting the air out of all of their tires. That’ll give them a reason to never take advantage of your good nature ever again!

Virgo, you often become so detail oriented you forget to step back and look at the big picture. Ask yourself this: How long have you been planning your elaborate Halloween costume? And better yet, do you think anyone is actually going to notice the extra sequins or minor alterations you added? The answer is: not only will nobody notice, but also nobody will care. Sequins or no, it is written in the stars that you should stay home this Halloween season. Don’t argue with the stars, Virgo. Stay home and try not to ruin another person’s life.

Your independence and maturity make for a great costume! Capricorns this Halloween can transform into shockingly realistic librarians, nuns, accountants, and retirees. If you want to go for something a little more risque and groundbreaking, try dressing as a rock, which will flatter both the inner intellectual and the socialite within you. Capricorn, try to have fun this Halloween. Maybe this year you won’t turn in early because you’re “too tired.”

It is a little-known fact that every single Gemini has a long lost twin! This Halloween beckons for an adventure of epic proportions: you are to embark on a search for your lost counterpart. The streets and airports this Halloween are sure to be filled with millions of Gemini off to find their lookalike. If you don’t join the search too, you are doomed to live the rest of your miserable life with the weight of the unknown on your shoulders. Don’t live in shame, Gemini. Find your twin, and don’t come home until you track them down!

Have you ever heard of witching hour? It’s the hour between three and four AM when supernatural forces are supposedly the strongest because there are no prayers going on in the Catholic church. It's up to you, Libra, to use your incredible talent of mediation to de-escalate any fights you see between supernatural forces and humans during the witching hour. The fate of Halloween rests in your delicate, conflict-avoiding hands. Don’t mess up or the entire population will be plagued by spirits for the rest of eternity.

Aquarians are likely to have a lot of fun this Halloween season. With your propensity to make fast friends and your life of the party attitude, you are sure to have made at least seven friends by the end of Halloween night. Sadly, chances are you will die long before these new acquaintances die, due to the fact that you were born in the winter. Try to make the best of your dwindling years! Spooky!

Your fiery personality is likely to take a turn for the worse during this spine-chilling weekend. Your enthusiasm and exuberance may be mistaken for aggression, and a passionate conversation could quickly snowball into a verbal altercation. To save yourself the embarrassment, try to go the entire week without uttering a word. Some fabulous costumes to complement this lifestyle would be a hostage (duct tape over mouth), a silent film star, or a monk.

Leos are natural leaders in every aspect, and this weekend is a perfect opportunity to showcase your inherent abilities in a spooky setting. Try contacting the leader of your local cult to schedule a shadow day. New opportunities will present themselves on Halloween, and you will be able to find several prime candidates willing to be henchmen if the need arises. 


The Sagittarius individual is known to be a lover of travel and nature- and Halloween is the perfect time to integrate the two. This weekend, use your love for nature to bring you to the graveyard. If you feel really motivated, dig up some bonafide skeletons! Then, may your passion for travel compel you to travel away from the site of the graveyard and remain at an undisclosed location for an indefinite period of time. Good luck, Sagittarius!

That’s it, folks! Happy Halloween! Follow the stars!!

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